My parakeets behavior is out of control!?

What I will say is 100% true, although it seems highly unlikely. I have a parakeet named Will. I love him very much, but her behavior is terrible. If I take it out of the cage, he will act nice and all, but it will, no kidding, land on my head, I grab my hair wing parallel to the top of my head (which is using hair as a rope repelling) and earth projectile shit in the mouth. This is terrible, and I I control my pet. I am NOT willing to put it to sleep. Ever.

because her parakeet is simply adding a woman

PET RESCUE BY JUDY IS LOOKING FOR SOME TOP DOGS